Busy Tonight!: A New Philosophy on Dating

People are often surprised by the fact that I don't go on many dates.  Don't get me started on why, I have no idea.  Ask the boys, not me.  This is not a post to complain about a lack of dates.  This is a post about my new philosophy of dating.  My new and improved dating rules.  I haven't really had dating rules before, so anything I do must be improved!  Now, here's where my new rule stems from.  A devotional given by Sister Elaine S. Dalton, October 11, 2011 at BYU-Idaho.  I was in attendance at this devotional.  It's entitled Dare Great Things.  It's interesting because at the time, I was still deciding whether or not to go to Peru.  She talked a lot about stepping out of our comfort zones and all I could think of was Peru.  Dating was not on my mind.  Then, a few weeks ago, I remembered this devotional and what Sister Dalton counseled on dating.  I'm going to now share part of her address with you, my faithful blog readers.

"Now for my discovery about dating—nothing has changed really. And it’s precisely because you haven’t changed. You see the principle is that the structure is perfectly designed to get the results it gets. Let me illustrate this principle. Take this potato peeler—which you have to be familiar with here in Rexburg! See how it works. It is perfectly designed to get these results! Even this little point is designed perfectly to remove the eyes of the potatoes and look at these results. So in order to get results or dates here on this campus or any campus or anywhere there are young single adults, you have to redesign the structure for the intended results. And of course that means you must determine, and I mean seriously determine just what results you really want—really! So instead of talking to you about marriage and family, I am going to start on a more elementary level. Let’s just focus on getting dates. Dates for the purpose, of course, of finding an eternal companion, but let’s do first things first! Because you certainly can’t marry, and become parents of a beautiful family, unless you actually go on a date (probably a lot of dates). So let’s start there. I am going to suggest a structure change.
 
Young women—stop hanging out. Stop competing with each other in a group for the attention of the available men in the room. Make yourself scarce. The boys won’t notice for a while and they’ll keep hanging out and then all of a sudden they’ll say—“Hey where are the girls?” Then they will huddle and brainstorm about whom to text to come and join them. When the text comes, don’t go join them—just text back: “Busy tonight.”

Then wait till they call you and personally ask you to go on a date with them. Not to hang out or congregate with a lot of others, just the two of you and perhaps one other couple—on a date. According to Elder Dallin H. Oaks, this is what this means, “Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and young women joining together in some group activity. It is very different from dating…Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases.”


So what's my new rule?  No more Friday night hanging out.  I'm either on a date, or curled up at home by myself doing homework.  What constitutes hanging out versus a date?  Well I want at least 24 hours notice.  I might bend slightly up to 12 hours, but preferably 24.  If someone wants to take me out, then they can plan something in advance.  I deserve at least that much, don't I?  I'm not going to be the last minute call because some boy is bored at 9:00 at night and decides then that he should be doing something more than sitting at home on a Friday night.  Now, this applies for Friday nights only...and maybe Saturday depending on the circumstance.  I'm perfectly fine with someone wanting to do something spontaneous on a weekday.  Honestly, I have a harder time planning those because you never know how homework is going to go.  So a random ice cream trip, walk around town, or movie is perfectly acceptable...just not on Friday night :) 

Call me crazy.  I certainly think I am.  If I thought I didn't get dates before, I'm definitely not expecting many now.  And trust me, it's going to be hard to decline something fun on Friday night just because I was invited later than I've set as an acceptable time.  BUT, with time, maybe something will pay off.  And if not, I'll find someone somewhere else...and my homework will get done early :)

(If interested, you can read her full address here.)