True Love or Creepy Stalker?

Excerpts from my 2004-2005 journal.  True Love or Creepy Stalker Girl?  You be the judge...

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
"But one other thing is that her brother is really cute!!!!! :)  I don't tell anyone though.  His name is Nathaniel and he goes to my school so I see him in the halls every once in a while."

Wednesday, July 28, 2004
"Nathaniel broke his arm yesterday. He was riding his bike and I guess he fell off.  I wonder if he cried.  I can't picture him crying.  It just seems weird.  Maybe I should send him a get well card but he would figure out it was me.  Oh well I'll just write a fake one here.
                      Hope you get well soon!! :)
                                               Love,
                                               A Friend
PS- You're still cute with a cast/ sling"

Sunday, August 29, 2004
"Nathaniel looked so good.  He looks good in anything.  All he was wearing were jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt."

Sunday, October 10, 2004
"The deacons were on a much better behavior except for Nathaniel.  He kept making burp/ fart noises and answering questions really stupidly."

Monday, December 6, 2004
"I think Nathaniel likes me because he sat with us and played with Seth and stuff and that might not sound like he does but you just had to be there."

Saturday, January 15, 2005
"Brooke said that he (Nathaniel) jumps on top of the cars and jumps from car to car and does stuff like that.  He is one out of control kid.  Not like the rest of his family."

Sunday, February 20, 2005
"On the way back home we talked more about nothing pretty much.  He took my purple squishy pillow and started playing with it and  I told her (one of my school friends) that if he put his head on it, I might be able to make some money off of it."

Sunday, March 13, 2005
"Nathaniel wasn't that cute today."

Wednesday, March 30, 2005
"Today is Nathaniel's birthday...I don't know if I like him or not now.  Today I think I started to again.  But I don't want to.  I just can't help myself.  I still can't tell if he likes me.  Maybe if I find out if he likes me I will be able to decide if I like him or not.  He's a nice, cute, funny guy.  I just don't know."

Sunday, July 10, 2005
Taking place at a Youth Conference dance... "I turned them all down.  Some of the people I said "no" to I didn't even know.  I don't remember who was asking me but Nathaniel came over and just pushed the other guy away and asked me.  It was so funny.  I had to say no though since I turned everyone else away.... After I sat down Nathaniel came and asked again so I decided I would because it was the last song.  It was more fun dancing with him.  He talked more and got a little more into it... As we were dancing, Austin Eckel walked by and says to Nathaniel "So you finally got her to dance with you?"  He didn't respond.  I think he was a little embarrassed.  Does that mean he likes me if he was trying to get me to dance with him?  I don't know."

Our first dance.  My favorite part of the picture is that we're the same height.

More journals to come at a later time.  I think they're great.  Even if they're embarrassing, I don't really care!!

No One Ever Told Me...

I think I'm going to need a new section of my blog entitled "Things No One Ever Told Me" dedicated to me growing up and learning that life is not always what it seems and people lie.  And I mean this in a good way.

No one ever told me being engaged makes you doubt yourself in ways you never thought possible.  They never told me I would feel completely inadequate.  They never told me it's hard.  Maybe they did.  I probably wouldn't have listened.  But I don't think anyone ever told me.

It was supposed to be butterflies and roses.  I'm supposed to be happy all the time and have a countdown calendar on my phone, facebook and in my room telling me exactly how many days until I change my name.  I'm supposed to have my colors picked and my pinterest board filled with little crafty things to make a reception look cute.  I'm supposed to be the happiest girl in the world with not a care in the world.  With nothing but the best ahead.  Nothing can go wrong and there isn't a cloud in the sky.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be getting married to a fantastic man.  The perfect man for me actually!  But gosh darn it, being engaged is hard!  And it's hard for reasons I wouldn't have even imagined before this point.  And I feel like marriage will be the same.  And then children.  And then teenagers.  And then getting old.  It's never ending.

No one ever told me.  I think it will be my new life motto.

Wedding Planning?

I totally fail at trying to plan a wedding.  Like, epic fail.  I kind of forget that I'm supposed to be doing stuff for it.  I have a feeling I'll make it to graduation and THEN I'll realize I'm supposed to be getting married in two weeks....oh well.  At least I won't be stressed all semester...right?

I have done some planning.

I bought a dress!  That's the most important thing.  Well, more importantly I called the temple and scheduled the wedding so that I can actually get married.  But second in importance is that I found a dress.  I did not have one of those "ah-ha" moments where I started crying when I tried on the second dress and just knew it was mine.  I probably tried on a total of 20 dresses before I found mine.  But I love it and it's perfect!  Now I just have to play the waiting game since it had to be ordered and won't be in until mid-July.  Yikes.  Hopefully it fits well!  As much as I'd love to give all five blog followers a sneak peak of the dress you will just have to wait until August 10 to see :)

What else have I done?  Picked colors.  Kind of.  I still don't love them but Nathaniel does and I don't hate it so they'll work haha  It's all about compromise.  I figure if we can compromise on wedding colors, we can compromise on anything.

Honeymoon is booked.

Annnddddd that's about it.  Next on my list is to get engagements taken and find housing for the fall.

My goal is to not be a bridezilla.  I think I'm doing okay.  But I almost might be the opposite.  Some things I just don't care a ton about and take forever to make decisions on.  Like colors.  And the dress.  And everything else I have to make a decision about.  This is going to be a fun semester :)

But really, it actually is kind of fun!

And here are some of the epic fails with dresses...

Little roses on the back???

My face says it all

My Favorite Elder Tucker

Just an hour after Nathaniel and I got engaged, my brother, Eli, opened his mission call at his dorm down in Provo.  He was kind enough to wait for me to come to Utah so I could see him open it in person because he actually got the letter a few days before that.  And THEN he was so kind as to wait for us to get to his dorm because we were 20 minutes late after I promised we would be 15 minutes early.  I will blame that on Nathaniel for taking so long to propose ;)

Literally as soon as we walked in the door he opened the envelope and started reading.  It was slightly hilarious that my family was on Skype (and had been for the 20 minutes they were waiting for us) and then five seconds before he read where he was going the internet connection was severed and they didn't get to hear it.  Oh boy.  I'm sure it wasn't funny for them but all of us in Utah thought it was!

So where's that handsome brother of mine going?  Santa Cruz, Bolivia!!!!  AND he gets to go to the Peru MTC for his training!  I'm soooooo excited he gets to go to Peru even though it's not like he'll get to go everywhere (or anywhere for that matter) that I went.

A Formal Engagement

Everyone wants to know the story...so here it is (in an abbreviated version...).


Nathaniel and his parents were planning on coming to Salt Lake for the LDS General Conference last weekend.  They were getting into town late Thursday night and I planned to meet them there Friday morning.  Little did he know, I got off work and skipped class so that I could come surprise him at the airport Thursday.  Surprises are the greatest!!!  I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, me surprising him, or him being surprised by me.

Friday we ran errands, walked around Temple Square, and then went for a walk.  The walk of a lifetime.  We chatted about the last three months and how it felt like so long and yet once we were back together it was like we'd never been apart.

Finally, we stopped at a small park for a few minutes and sat on a bench.  He was a little disappointed as there were no swings at the park like he was counting on (the internet told him there were swings).  Swings are kind of our thing as we've been swinging since senior year of high school and his plan was to propose on one.  Nevertheless, he couldn't wait any longer and decided to pop the question whether we were on a swing or not!  And I sure am glad he did...I don't think I could have waited much longer :)

It's EXACTLY what I would have picked out for myself.  That boy knows me well.